"STATE FUNERAL HELD IN HONOR OF DIRECTOR JONATHAN MERCER AFTER YEARS OF DISTINGUISHED SERVICE"-
Title, Official Government Statement"Accident in military research facility kills Director Alexander Jonathan Mercer and 28 others. Skeptics doubt Govt. statement, cite cover-up story"-
"Argonath Express""Mercer did not die accidentally, but killed by a top-secret government weapons research program gone haywire; BE ALERT"-
"The Anarchist""ANOTHER FED F*CKER BITES THE DUST; BROTHERS-IN-ARMS REJOICE ACROSS THE NATION"-
"Combat Shotgun Weekly""FBI Director Mercer first prominent victim of Govt. spacetime manipulation research to contact ALIENS!!!"-
"Tinfoil Hat Digest"
Above were but some of the headlines that rocked the Argonathian public earlier, in the hours following the Argonath Government's release of a statement regarding the circumstances of longtime
FBI Director Alexander Jonathan Mercer's demise 2 and a half months ago. According to the statement, Director Mercer was killed when some ordinance (explosives) accidentally went off nearby at a research facility on the main campus of the
Argonath National University of Science, or
ANUS. The statement further adds that the Argonath Government's reason for the late release of the details about Director Mercer's demise was because of the classified nature of the activities being conducted by the government with the assistance of ANUS researchers.
According to Head Scientist Dr. Phteven Izvrashchenets of ANUS, the ordinance exploded due to faulty labeling and storage by a technician who had too much vodka, and who died in the explosion as well.
"It iz really very sad dat akzidentz like thiz continue to happen dizpite our highly advanzd rezearch. Rezt azzured, my vellow zcientistz and I are working very hard to prevent zuch inzidentz vrom happening again. Avter all, thiz technology will be very beneficial vor the Argonathianz.", Izvrashchenets added.
Skeptics, however, have cast doubt upon the truthfulness of the statements released by the Argonath Government and ANUS scientists.
"It just doesn't add up. Why would a research facility so advanced in nature leave 28 crates of NITROGLYCERIN lying around? Any demolitions expert will tell you that nitro is now totally outdated; even CIVILIAN facilities now use dynamite or more advanced explosives. And don't even get me started on the super delayed release. The government is really covering up something here, and we have strong cause to believe that it may be a new high-powered weapons research program.", said Vittorio Sforza, a board member of the Argonath Skeptic Initiative and a contributor for
The Anarchist.
Director Mercer was reported to work for several years in San Andreas as an FBI researcher, reportedly leading a hypersecret covert operations division and spearheading several groundbreaking government research programs as well, rumored to have laid the foundation for products such as Super Viagra and the Instant DNA Sequencer. Several complaints were filed before FBI tribunals during his term as a researcher, and some taken all the way up to the high courts, although they were all eventually dismissed. Director Mercer then transferred to Vice City, serving as FBI Director, where he developed an instant rivalry with the city's criminal factions.
"One hell of a prick, that guy was. Always found the best ways for him and his minions to piss us off. Although I have to hand it to him, he WAS damn hardheaded. We're glad he's dead, and hoping someone weaker takes his place. So we can, you know, have a bit more fun.", said an anonymous biker in Prawn Island, Vice City.
Succeeding FBI Directors EvilSforza and AlexThompson, Director Mercer was known for re-institutionalizing the FBI in the Vice Region, after infectious diseases and a great calamity 4 years ago severely depleted the area's population. He was rewarded the
Progress Award posthumously by VCPD Chief Legend.
"Boss Jonathan? Oh, he very kind. Even if he beat me and ra- I mean, also beat prisoners every day during work, he give me big benefits and take my family across border too. Very lucky I met him, he finally give me stable job.", said a hispanic-looking janitor at the VCPD headquarters, before an officer promptly yelled at him to get back to work.
"Huh? He's dead? I'm free! I'M FREE! NO MORE ANAL RA-", yells out a recently released prisoner outside the VCPD HQ, before being silenced by a sniper round to the head. An FBI Agent is then seen running out from a nearby bush and jumping into a red cheetah, before speeding away.
Director Mercer's tenure was marked by a reduction in drug trade and racketeering. Following his demise, the public has raised questions as to the identity of the next regional FBI Director. The MTA sector of the Vice Region has displayed particular concern, due to lack of strong candidates for the position. As of the moment, these decisions rest in the hands of the President, the Prime Minister, the ARPD Commissioner, and the VCPD Chief. The government is expected to release an announcement soon.
Written By: Tobi Isagoodboy, Reporter, Argonath Express
I hope you enjoyed reading the story above. For those of you who still don't know, I officially rendered my resignation for all positions early in August.
Why? After 4 years of serving in the administration and 5 years in the ARPD, my studies have ever become more demanding. I now pursue a degree in Computer Science at my country's National University (
the premier state university) and the demands imposed on us here are no joke. My schedule has expanded to occupy my weekends, and I do not have enough free hours after class to spend playing in Argonath like I used to. (as I usually go to campus at 8 AM, and come home at 6 PM onwards)
I do intend to return after completing my studies, or once things have lightened up. Hopefully then, I could serve as a developer and give back to this community after I further my programming abilities.
Many of you here are my friends, as well as my enemies, and I will miss you all. Thank you so much.
* JDC salutes one final time
Until we meet again,
JDC
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