Could not think of an appropriate title

[SafetyMoose]

Many of you know me in different ways, but the majority of you will remember me as the selfish prick who only thought of himself and decided to be an ass hole and get banned after destroying everything he had accomplished. Those of you who see me that way are the correct ones. Before i get "Those" posts (You know which ones so i wont even describe them) let me tell you why i'm here. I spent over over 2 years of my life in this community, I worked hard to build up a relationship with many of you that i thought would never end. but it did, because of the way i changed. Everyone is this community was amazingly nice to me, even from the start, but in the last few months of my time here my viewpoint of every situation was "its everyone else but me". During that time i could never accept the fact that it was me who was the problem. I had turned into that selfish asshole that i had always hated in other people. I went through problems in my life that look incredibly stupid now that i look back. I betrayed the trust of every single one of you.

As i write this i'm asking myself how i came to this position, for the last few months i never even thought about Argonath RPG, untill last night, i got an e-mail from the Argonath RPG forums about a reported post in SA:MP court sections. This one email sent a surge of emotion through me, bringing back memories my former self had tried to bury deep in my mind. Ill admit this, i almost felt like breaking into tears. I had so much fun with you guys and i destroyed everything because of a childish anger that i could not control. I then tried to forget about it and go back to the work i had to do. I then woke up at 3AM last night, with the images i had remembered earlier seared into my memory. I could not sleep, i could not stop tossing and turning with these images burned into my vision. I realized that something was wrong and this issue had come back to haunt me. I needed someone to talk too, but i knew of no one who could understand.

As a result of my actions i was banned from almost every forum and service relating to Argonath RPG other than these forums. I know this post will be locked and deleted, i know no one will give a damn, but i had to say i'm sorry, I had to try and gain some sort of closure. You guys are some of the closest friends i ever had online.

Although no one in their right mind would ever want me back in this community, i hope you would have the decency to acknowledge that im trying to make things right. I know i posted these bullshit topics saying i was sorry before, but that was just past self trying to to get back in for selfish reasons.

I caused hurt to people. people who will never forgive me for the things i did. people who supported me and who i then stabbed in the back after they tried to help me. I am deeply sorry to all of you. I am deeply sorry to the community. The sad part is, i want to go back to the way things were, i want to make everybody feel good and show i appreciate them, but i dont know how to do it.... Im lost and i need guidance but i dont know who to turn to.. Now that i look up and see that i rambled on and on about my feelings and no one really cares, i guess ill just end it off by saying im sorry and i hope you guys might be able to forgive me, even a little but, and give me the opportunity to make things right.

- Alex
- SafetyMoose

[Chief J. Schappell]

As this post has to do with a community-banned user, please do not touch this topic until Gandalf or Aragorn have had a chance to reply and/or handle it themselves.

[SafetyMoose]

As this post has to do with a community-banned user, please do not touch this topic until Gandalf or Aragorn have had a chance to reply and/or handle it themselves.

Haha good to see ol' Jack acting all official as he always did.

[Boozman]

Hey Alex

[SafetyMoose]

Hey Alex

<3 Boozman

[Boozman]

<3 Boozman

Miss you man

[SafetyMoose]

<3 Boozman

Miss you man

Ditto

[Allison]

what is this i dont even




hi alex

[Badandy]

You hurt my feelings that day Moosie

Before you got banned, You said "f**k you, Badandy"

Do you still think that? 

[SafetyMoose]

You hurt my feelings that day Moosie

Before you got banned, You said "f**k you, Badandy"

Do you still think that? 

I was wrong Badandy, your are an amazingly nice person and you did not deserve to be treated the way you did. I was a different person for those many months leading up too and after my ban. I caused a lot of hurt to you and others and i deeply regret doing so.

[Badandy]

I miss you    :leroy:

I forgive you

[SafetyMoose]

I miss you    :leroy:

I forgive you

<3   

[SkyHawk]

Alex,

You'll always be one of my close friends. No matter what the situation or what either have done in the past. We've been through a hell of alot together dating back to the SACS days and our short time spent together as administrators. I forgive you for whatever you may have done and I miss ya around here, you always knew how to put a smile on someone's face. Glad to see you checkin' in and letting those that care know your not dead. Talk to you sometime on MSN.

SkyHawk

[SafetyMoose]

Alex,

You'll always be one of my close friends. No matter what the situation or what either have done in the past. We've been through a hell of alot together dating back to the SACS days and our short time spent together as administrators. I forgive you for whatever you may have done and I miss ya around here, you always knew how to put a smile on someone's face. Glad to see you checkin' in and letting those that care know your not dead. Talk to you sometime on MSN.

SkyHawk

Where did i say i was not dead? :P

[JDC]

I remember you as the selfish, weak person who shitted Argonath with iMunna in the aftermath of your demotions. You have placed yourself into the class of players I spit on, along with Carhartt, Dave, and iMunna, by destroying the trust and high regard so many people had for you. Players and admin team trusted you, and how do you reward them? By shitting them and attacking their community. I used to respect you, Alex.
 
If there is one atrocity I hate more than ingratitude, it is betrayal.
 
I myself was fired from the admin team a total of two times, was fired from the 4th highest position in SAFBI (equivalent to a SAPD Senior Captain with SWAT Chief rank), and worked almost two years of admin work without any reward or promotion. Yet, I did not even complain or rage once. Rather I was even thankful those guys gave me a chance.
 
And yet, I persevered and was even promoted to Administrator recently. I have, am, and will always continue to stand by Argonath and move forward, rather than jumping into a hole and destroying everything I had, because of one little demotion. This community has given me so much, and I will not betray it by shitting it because of one small weakness.
 
For checking up on us, I wish I can forgive you... but sorry to say Moose, but I will never again trust people who have betrayed my respect and turned their backs on Argonath.
 
- JDC

[SafetyMoose]

I remember you as the selfish, weak person who shitted Argonath with iMunna in the aftermath of your demotions. You have placed yourself into the class of players I spit on, along with Carhartt, Dave, and iMunna, by destroying the trust and high regard so many people had for you. Players and admin team trusted you, and how do you reward them? By shitting them and attacking their community.
 
If there is one atrocity I hate more than ingratitude, it is betrayal.
 
I myself was fired from the admin team a total of two times, was fired from the 4th highest position in SAFBI (equivalent to a SAPD Senior Captain with SWAT Chief rank), and worked almost two years of admin work without any reward or promotion.
 
And yet, I persevered and was even promoted to Administrator recently. I have, am, and will always continue to move forward, rather than jumping into a hole and destroying everything I had, because of one little demotion. This community has given me so much, and I will not betray it by shitting it because of one small weakness.
 
Sorry to say Moose, but I will never again trust people who have betrayed my respect and turned their backs on Argonath.

I dont expect anything less then this from anyone in this community. I did things im not proud of, i was an selfish prick of a teenager who didnt care about anyones feelings. You are a strong person and i admire for you being that way, sadly at the time i had not learned how to act the way i should have. I understand that i probably will never re-gain that trust but i at least want you know that i am legitimately sorry for the harm i caused you and others. I do not know about the issue with Dave or Carhartt but. Although you will always see me as "he selfish, weak person who shitted Argonath". I hope you will at least acknowledge that im trying to make things right and that i don't want you to look upon me in this way. I deserve to be thought of like this, but Argonath RPG is a place i called my home and i forgot that. You are a much stronger person then i could ever be, even now after i went through some life changing experiences.

I may never re-gain your trust, but ill sure as hell put all my effort into atleast trying.


EDIT: Congratulations on the admin promotion, you always took your work seriously so you deserve it.

[[Rstar]Paul]

Hi,

Welcome back.

[SafetyMoose]

Hi,

Welcome back.

Not back yet

Hopefully i will be though.

[Giovanni_Blake]

Hai thar alex <3 miss rp'in witchu, come back soon.

[SafetyMoose]

Hai thar alex <3 miss rp'in witchu, come back soon.

good times we had <3